What Kind of Woman am I?

What Kind of Woman am I?

 

In a few weeks I will be hitting a major milestone: TURNING 30 or as Olivia Wilde calls it “The Cut the Bullshit and go be AWESOME stage” That’s right. Cut the bullshit. Be AWESOME! But, I still feel that I am on this never ending search to find things that inspire me and I can now fully and honestly say that I have a good head on my shoulders, an overactive imagination and an ever constant question on my mind: what kind of woman am I? Besides the obvious, WHO am I? Aren’t we ALL still trying to find who we are. So here I go…

So what kind of woman am I?

I want the simple things in life. The love of a good man. Someone to partner me in my stupid jokes, movie quoting and a love of traveling. To do something I love. To get dressed up on Fridays & go eat at a fancy restaurant. To have Saturdays with the people I love and to spend Sundays cooking a big meal, baking and watching football. I want to live in the city. But grow old in the country. I want to have fun. I want to laugh. To hand down my favorite jewelry to my daughter and my PawPaw’s gold watch to my son. To host brunches with amazing drinks. To lend an ear and a hand to the people who've lived the same life as me. To make mistakes once...but never twice. To travel. To face my future without any fears. To constantly be inspired. To dance, shimmy or shake. I LOVE to move whenever and wherever I can. I want to LOVE fully. 

I am a happy, albeit emotional person. I struggle everyday with certain ideas, and being true to myself. I find solace in my son, in music, writing, and inspiring myself for present and future living.

I am not a good singer, but that doesn’t stop me. I am not good at keeping my crushes secret. If I like you, I will let you know. I don’t write in cursive or in print, I just melt them together. I get scared and lonely sometimes, but that is just me and that is perfectly ok. I enjoy dipping lemon slices into sugar as a treat…that is also ok.  

I like things that are natural, and classic. I like food, cooking, eating and talking. My favorite color is purple. My favorite piece of clothing is a good pair of jeans that fit just right. I am not a fan of socks.

I am a romantic. I am a goofball. I TRY {try} not to take things too seriously. I would rather laugh than cry. I love styling for other people, and usually go through 3-5 outfit changes before I walk out the door every morning. I go through each day with certain expectations for myself, and that seems to have gotten me through life thus far.

I am a nurturer. I like to comfort, to console, and to establish a cozy sort of relationship. Whatever that relationship may be. I like being a touchy feel-y person, I like to hold hands and lock arms. I like to lie on the couch; all tangled up and watch old movies. Laughing in the car, sharing stories and laughing at each other.

But I think all of that hurts me. It wounds me. I become weaker and weaker. I keep myself to myself, but in the moments that can fall into easiness, I do let myself go. I tumble.

I am that kind of woman. I am the kind of woman you have here, I am a Mother. I am a daughter, a sister, a lover of beautiful things, a blogger, a friend, an acquaintance, a hard worker. I have so many roles, and in those roles I try and be the best kind of woman I am able to be, and every mistake leads me to becoming just a little better every single day.

2014 has shown me that being the best kind of woman I can be, pays off. Maybe not in the ways that I want it to, but it does pay off. I have been happy, I have been sad. I have had good times and times of straight depression. But again, that is just me.

I suppose one of the most important things I have been learning about myself this year and about this life is that perhaps, maybe I am supposed to mess up a couple more times before I get it right.

I feel like I am in that place in my life where people are either telling me “You are so young, you have so much time.” or “What are you going to do with your life?”

I don’t need to have it all together. I don’t need to listen to the criticism of people and feel bad about myself.

Am I perfect? No, but really what the hell is perfection? Why do I have to adhere to someone else’s idea of what MY life should be?

I have worth as a person, and no matter what someone says about me, I can’t and won’t lose sight of it. Because in all honesty, that person is losing out on a great opportunity to have me in their lives. Selfish? Full of myself? No. I am SURE of myself. Sure for the first time in my life that I am who I am. Have I cast aside all my flaws, and become all knowing and wonderful? HELL NO. I have sins, I have faults, and I have vices. Accepting those things is just as important as the acceptance of my being and its concern to others, and most importantly to me.

What if my 16 year old self could see me now? Damn, that would be a sight. It would be awesome, because I know I was scared and confused back then. I didn’t think I was beautiful, or that I had anything to offer anyone else. I know what I have now, what I can give now, and how I should receive as much if not more from the world and the people in it.

That’s just the kind of woman that I am. 

Jacksonisms.

Jacksonisms.

Taking Stock::02

Taking Stock::02